The Continuing Adventures of the Super-Duper-Sized Woman
By Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw
Daphne, the Super-Duper-Sized Woman, has sat through many CME (Continuing Medical Education) courses in the patient rooms of her various doctors through the years and has heard that many other fat people of all varieties of size have also sat through similar lectures. So, since the many doctors think it very important to spend countless minutes each appointment to teach the following lessons for a fat person’s own good and because most of the doctors seem to think that fat people have not paid attention, not realized the seriousness of their issues with us, or maybe are unable to listen (probably due to too much fat clogging our ears,) Daphne, the SDSW, thought it would be helpful to write out a list of lecture notes so that all will know whether or not we have listened, understood, and considered these words of supposed wisdom and truth on the issue of our weight, specifically the issue of our large supply of adipose tissue.
The following list will be in no particular order of importance. It will simply list lecture points. No comment on these points will be made at this time. This listing does not mean any agreement with the points or any disagreement with the points. Furthermore, these lecture notes do not mean the method of speaking to the fat patient is respectful or warranted. It is simply making sure the doctors know we have heard them properly… and perhaps have now passed this part of the course finally and can move on to more helpful aspects of our doctor visits. Well, Daphne, the SDSW, can dream, can’t she?!
So, without further ado, here are Daphne’s notes from her doctors’ lecture series entitled “Morbid Obesity for Morons, Specifically You (the Super-Duper-Sized Woman:”
1) My weight is killing me, and my death is to be soon… even within the next five years (endlessly renewable as five year allotments pass.)
2) I am in denial by refusing to go into hospice by thinking I am not near death when it is obvious I am dying soon due to being so very fat.
3) I lie continuously and consistently about what I do and don’t eat.
4) I obviously do overeat but refuse to admit it.
5) Either I am a pathological liar about food and weight issues, or I am delusional or both.
6) Maybe I am unaware of portion sizes, caloric values, the glycemic index, or other fine points of nutrition.
7) I am apparently ignorant of the research and proof (and I am instructed to go read up on it if I am unconvinced) of how my weight is killing me and need to read more research on it since I am very determined to stay so huge.
8 ) I have never considered or even thought about the possibility of losing weight.
9) I am incredibly lazy and either sit around or lie around all day, refusing to move. But, some doctors do add that if they had even an extra 100 pounds on them, they wouldn’t want to do anything either.
10) I need less self-acceptance and more losing weight.
11) A 1000 or even less calorie diet is healthy for me because the alternative is death.
12) I need the gastric bypass surgery to make all my troubles go away. In fact, each doctor knows several people who have lost down to their normal weight and have no need for their former medicines. Some patients have even been cured of diabetes this way.
13) Obviously I have no self-control or will power, so the only hope is the gastric bypass.
14) It is my fault that none of the medical equipment, none of the doors, and none of the facilities are accessible or accurate for me because of my size, but I am to struggle through the agonizing pain physically and emotionally as well as paying the many fees for the services that don’t fit me and/or do not help me. After all I need the exercise anyway.
15) Doctors hate seeing their patients, specifically me, killing themselves, but this is a part of the job, alas.
16) Only I can choose what I do or don’t put into my mouth. If I would choose to eat less, I would lose weight.
17) I need to exercise and move about or die.
18) Anything I say or do that does not support the theory that my weight is killing me and is caused by my deliberate and willful choices is either fabricated or an obvious misinterpretation of whatever happened.
19) I am too stubborn about medicines and the side effects. All medicines have side effects. But if I choose not to take a medicine, a cholesterol lowering medicine for example because it caused jaundice in me, then that is my choice. However, I should be aware that my choice is killing me. And, what is the point of taking a fasting lipids blood test if I am not going to be taking any medicines anyway?
20) Since I am in a lot of pain, I need pain medicine not a firm diagnosis of what exactly is going wrong to cause the pain since I have already been told that my pains are caused by my huge amount of adipose tissue crushing and killing me.
21) My too tight control of my diabetes is hindering my losing weight.
22) Every condition is caused by and exacerbated by my fatness.
23) I need psychiatric help because I am so huge and determined to stay that way.
24) No professional medical person – nurse, OT, PT, practical nurse, nutritionist, dietician, or social worker who comes to my home and sees my conditions here has a true picture of how I eat or not eat and, hence, have all been brainwashed by me to lie for me concerning these matters.
Other entries in the continuing adventures of the Super-Duper-Sized Woman can be found here: